HR Music Systems does not appreciate getting Unsolicited Commercial Electronic Mail; however, people seem to be sending an ever increasing deluge of it. Given that so many people wish to waste our time with Unsolicited Commercial E-Mail, we decided to offer wasted time as a service you may purchase from HR Music Systems. The following contract covers purchasing wasted time from HR Music Systems. The opportunity to pay HR Music System for wasting time is available to anyone who agrees to the following contract.
The following is a contract between the sole proprietorship HR Music
Systems, herein referred to as HRMS, and any business or individual
who agrees to the terms of this contract. The business or individual who
agrees to the terms of this contract will be herein referred to as PURCHASER.
HRMS is owned by Herbert W. Robinson and is located at 116 Carver Road in
the City of Newton in the state of Massachusetts.
Once accepted, this contract shall apply to any other businesses owned by
PURCHASER and any agents employed by PURCHASER.
HRMS will provide the service of "wasted time" to PURCHASER each
and every time PURCHASER sends an unsolicited commercial electronic mail
message to HRMS using any covered electronic mail address.
The service "wasted time" is defined to be any amount of time,
no matter how small, that HRMS computers or personnel spend dealing with
an unsolicited commercial electronic mail message. It may include
time spent complaining about the message to relevant authorities, but may
also just consist of archiving the message. The extent and nature
of wasted time is determined solely at the discretion of HRMS.
For this agreement, a covered electronic mail address is defined to be any
of the following:
hrob@ne.mediaone.net
hrob@gis.net
all addresses in the Internet domain curbside-recording.com
all addresses in the Internet domain primalsession.com
all addresses in any Internet domain publicly registered
during the contract period by HRMS
PURCHASER acknowledges that Herbert William Robinson is a computer software
expert and that for the purposes of this contract, Herbert William Robinson
is the sole authority on what is or is not an unsolicited commercial electronic
mail message.
PURCHASER agrees that the service fee paid to HRMS for wasted time is eighteen
hundred US dollars for each unsolicited commercial electronic mail message
received by HRMS. HRMS advises that this is an unreasonable price
to pay for said service; however, HRMS will be happy to provide said service
if PURCHASER accepts this contract in spite of this advice.
PURCHASER may resell this service at a profit to any clients who use their
electronic mailing or web hosting facilities.
This contract shall take effect when accepted by PURCHASER and shall be
remain in effect until cancelled in writing by HRMS.
PURCHASER shall indicate acceptance of this contract by sending an electronic
mail message to the electronic mail address "I.agree.to.102@curbside-recording.com".
This electronic mail address is only to be used for accepting this contract.
No other use of this electronic mail address is authorized. HRMS will not
use this electronic mail address in any other context. HRMS advises that
providing this electronic mail address to a third party without informing
them of the proper use will likely make the provider liable to the third
party for damages incurred (i.e., fees paid under this contract).
This contract shall be enforced under the laws and courts of the state of
Massachusetts.
In the event any portion of this contract shall be deemed invalid, the remaining
provisions still apply.
PURCHASER agrees to pay any service fees within 30 days of receiving the
invoice.
PURCHASER agrees to pay double the normal fees to any lawyers, collection
agencies, private investigators, internet service providers, or other professionals
hired by HRMS to collect overdue service fees.
PURCHASER authorizes any and all third parties in possession of information
regarding electronic mail messages sent by PURCHASER to any of the covered
electronic mail addresses to provide such information to HRMS or its agents.
PURCHASER authorizes any and all third parties in possession of information
regarding the identify of individuals sending electronic mail messages on
behalf of PURCHASER to provide such information to HRMS or its agents.
In the event that HRMS obtains a judgement against PURCHASER for overdue
service fees, PURCHASER agrees to pay punitive damages of ten times the
amount of that judgement to a registered 501c3 charity chosen by HRMS.
Agreed this 6th day of April, the year 2002 by Herbert W. Robinson, proprietor
of HR Music Systems.